Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
