you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
