making cat noises will not fix the situation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
