So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
