lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
