dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
