I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
