We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
