He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
