You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
