i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize