Yo dont text me then not text me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
