My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
