Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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