is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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