i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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