Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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