are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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