This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
