your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
