Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
