You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
