Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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