he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
