My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
