I wannas sexs uuuuu
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
