My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
