i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
