I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
