so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
