My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
