Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
