had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
