how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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