I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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