Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
