Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am naked and annoyed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
