well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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