I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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