...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
