in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
