how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
