she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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