If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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