i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
BRING THE BAGELS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
