I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He better not be in your backpack
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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