I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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