I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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