Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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