There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
