she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize