dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
please don't ironically join a cult
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