come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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