How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
