Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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