Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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