I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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