bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
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