I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize