Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
