i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just puked most of my soul out..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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