Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
