when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize