I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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