I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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