3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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