Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Who died my cat blue again?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
