I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
