i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
