In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
smell my finger.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want a musical about memes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
