Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
