I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
