Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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