I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
