Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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