apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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