I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
