Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
