Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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