Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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