Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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