can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
