Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
