Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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