the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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