When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
They have beer where we have blood.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
