i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
