so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
