I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
bring money and cleavage
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
