I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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