Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
