Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You are the jesus of drinking
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
