So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
