You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
