You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
