before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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